The Essence: Sinking
by stakemenow
Summary: The Third in the Essence series. In Buffy's attempt to forget Spike, Willow gets taken by an old evil. Autum and Spike return. The Essence has a lot to explain as Giles discovers the Apocolypse.
1. Fighting Who We Are

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

FIGHTING WHO WE ARE (1.03.01)

Buffy's in an alley fighting a vamp. She hits him in the face, kicks his leg, breaking it, and head buts him into a wall. She throws a stake at him, it lands in his heart and he dusts. Willow runs after her as they leave the alley. "Um, Buff, you ok?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Buffy asks Willow, clearly pissed off about something.

"Well, you j-just hav-v-ven't been yours-self, s-since S-spike left, is all." Willow stammers under the Slayer's glare.

"No reason to be upset. I mean, he only left with a whore who led me to believe I was her friend." Buffy picks up the pace.

"But.." Willow runs to catch up, "I gave you the letter. She said she'd try to get him to comeback as soon as possible."

Buffy turns and stops her 'friend', "Will, you don't know me anymore, stop trying to, and stop trying to be my friend. None of you mean anything anymore. There's a whole world out there… and he's there, without me. And I'm stuck here waiting for the only person who never left to get back because he left." Buffy throws her stake on the ground, "No, Will, I'm beyond upset… and you'd think you'd've gotten the message by now." She storms off.

"The poor little girl…" Willow turns and her eyes go wide in fear, "Hello, dear. Do I get to be your mummy? She saved us a present she did. Before the sunshine could steal him, the rain did, did it not? Don't worry, love…" She strokes Willow's face, "I play nice when they let me… but now my dear heart bleeds of wondering where my sweet is. Come on, speak up." Drusilla smiled down at the witch in her grasp.

Spike rolls over in bed and stares at the woman next to him. He'd never forgotten her, all these years and never once. He'd missed her, but he still loved the Slayer. He loved them both. But he couldn't tell them that, he'd had to pick… so he did. And he didn't regret it. Autum rolls over, mumbling in her sleep. "Shhhh, sleep on, love." Spike pulls her hair away from her face as she opens her eyes. She sits up.

"**How can I sleep with the bleedin' Powers that Fuck in my head!" She growls, her face squishing up as she pulls herself up into a ball. Her breathing becomes shallow, and rapid. Stupid power that would be the God that told her not to mess up this time. Only she didn't care… not anymore. Spike gets her a cup of water**** and holds her 'til it passes.**


	2. Just Who I Am

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

JUST WHO I AM (1.03.02)

"Better?"

"Better." Autum scootches back down until she's laying on the bed, flat. Spike climbs back into bed, and Autum yelps as the frigid air nips at her bare skin. She loves him with all her heart, and she knows that she only has half of his. But she's willing to share, if the Slayer is as well. Autum leans into Spike and watches his chest rise and fall as he drifts back to sleep. She pulls her lover tighter to her and squeezes. Because this time she won't be the fool that lets him go. This time she'd damn the Powers, and take what she wanted before she split. She leans over and kisses him before she gets out of bed.

"Now, one more time… where's the boy of mine?" Dru asks the redheaded witch sitting on her bed. "The stars told me… they whisper the secrets of the ancients in my head. I hear that they tell me you know where he is."

"The Essence, find her you'll find him." Willow tells the insane vampire. No telling what she'd do without Spike to restrain her.

"Good!" Dru clapped her hands together, "Not the rain… or is she…" She picks up a doll, "What do we think, Miss Edith?" She nods at the doll and slaps Willow, "She says the Autum has my boy, the rain has washed him away after all?""

"Autum? That's the Essence." Willow tells her accidentally.

Buffy slammed her door on her way in. Pike sticks his head out of his own room and goes to knock on Buffy's door. Buffy opens it and Pike sees a suitcase being packed. "Leaving so soon?"

"Got a place I need to be." Buffy returns to packing her stuff.

"Right, and this has nothing to do with that asshole leaving." He rolls his eyes at her. "Same old story, Buff."

Buffy turns in his face, "I'm taking a hit on a missing person's case. I'm a detective and I had myself transferred here… happy?" her eyes were flashing in anger, so Pike backed off.

"No harm, no foul."

"Good." Buffy pushes past him with her suitcase.

"But you're not a detective." He pulls her wallet out of his back pocket. "No ID, no badge. You're running."

"I need to." Buffy ran down the hallway. None of the others bothered to stop her. For the past 2 weeks she'd been a wreck. No one could reach her.

Connor sits in his room, again. Alone again. He still doesn't believe she left him. She said she would come back… but she also said that she would always be his. Instead she ran off with him . There was no way he'd ever forgive her… never.

2 weeks, in 2 weeks this was the only time he'd had left to think of Buffy. He hadn't thought of her once… but 2 weeks. He'd woken up and Autum was out of the tiny apartment that they shared. They'd rented it for the one month… but they were leaving sooner. So now he sits and thinks about Buffy. He knows she can't have been in LA for too long. The first week had been hard without her and he'd thought of her all the time… but for 2 weeks Autum had filled his every sense.

Autum came in and saw Spike sitting at their kitchen table. She looks at herself and blushes… she's soaking wet. "There's rain… do you want to come along, kitten?"

Spike looks into her stormy eyes. Big and round and terribly afraid to lose him. Hard to believe that she could go from a stubborn ass to this in a few weeks. "Why were you out."

Autum shrugs and sits down beside him, "I told you… it was raining."

"Sorry, pet." He puts his arm around her and pulls her in. He knew why the rain sang to her… he knew what it meant... but for now he would just hold her and everything would be all right.

She couldn't sleep, she could never sleep. She knew that if she did he'd be out the door. She knew he wasn't as happy as he could be. She knew he loved her more… that if he had the chance to make it right he would. She throws the covers off and slips out of the bed as Spike rolls over. She goes into the bathroom and turns on the radio… the static clears and she dances with the music.

I'm falling to pieces at the seams

When nothing is left, what will I be?

Don't you wish that you could see

This shadow's place inside of me?

Autum spins around, moving her hips and shaking her head… singing along with it.

It's getting very hard to find a way

To put together the words so I can say

She watches her reflection as she sings

I don't want to be here

I don't want to be loved by you,

I really don't want to be misused.

But I can't find a way out of my skin

She breaks the mirror and screams the lyrics at it

This white lie's tape is turning red

This ride we're on comes to an end

There's no time left for hearts to mend

But if they heal, well that depends

She starts to trash the bathroom… throwing things all over the place

It's getting so much harder every day

With every lie I tell, I really say

She sits down in the bath tub and starts to cry.

I don't want to be here

I don't want to be loved by you,

I really don't want to be misused.

But I can't find a way out of my skin

This ice I'm on is getting very thin

And

I don't want to be here

I don't want to be loved by you,

I really don't want to be misused.

But I can't find a way out of my skin

So in this crazy world,

The one thing I know is,

Guns go bang!

She gets up and leaves the bathroom and runs down the stairs and out side… screaming it out into the rain. When she gets back inside she thinks of how juvenile that was, but it felt so good just to scream out. She notices something that wasn't there when she left… a piece of paper with writing on it. Spike had been called William the Bloody, it's true… but his poetry wasn't that bad… before people actually criticized it without reading it, it was quite good. 'Looks like he's found the spark.' She thinks it to herself.

She took out her own piece of paper and started to write… at the top she wrote 'TORMENT'. She thought of the evil in the world and scratched it down to nothing in the handwritten 8 pages the poem took up. She'd save it for a later time… she told herself, shoving it in her pocket.

Giles sat in his room and absorbed himself into his books. He'd cross-referenced everything he knew of. There was no point. The book said that the end would come and no one would be able to stop it, but there was one part that didn't make sense… it talked of stealing a power that would end all the worlds. Not only humanity… who would ever want to do that?

Did she think she could just fit back into their lives? They didn't need her anymore. They'd proved that. None of them knew each other anymore. Angel had assumed that she'd go straight to him when Spike left. Giles had thought she'd want to talk about it. How could they? Even after… what they did. Everything that they all had done that tore her up inside so that she couldn't look at them without seeing it, not being able to push it out of her mind that they had done it to her… that it was their fault for everything in her life that had gone wrong. If they had just let her be she'd be dead by now… something she'd wanted for nearly four years but had been getting better about… only to have her salvation torn from her bleeding hands. She looks down at her hands and remembers him… and the other. Angel had moved on on his own and yet he still never expected her to get over him. Spike never thought she'd ever get back into him, or that she ever had. They'd both taken the road they thought best… Angel because he felt it was right and Spike because it was the only thing he could do at the moment. She didn't blame Spike for leaving… she blamed Angel for making him leave. She blamed everyone else for… that thing that she'd never think about again. She'd turned to Autum because she'd felt that it was the right thing to do. But she was wrong, the girl had stabbed her in the back as if they were back in Jr. High.

Spike is in the shower… he'd found the shattered mirror and figured Autum must have something on her mind. Something she didn't want people to know about. The radio was sitting on the toilet and he looks around the destroyed room. Chances were she'd cried herself back to sleep. Something she'd always done a lot of.

Autum pulled a bag out from under the bed and pulls out a bunch of makeup. She'd heal… but until then, she didn't want him to know. Didn't want to admit it to herself. She'd deny that she felt the true end coming… and that it scared her half as much as it did. She knew that this time they'd lose… no matter what they did. And she wasn't allowed to do anything about it. She had to sit out of the fight for the most part. Her 'life' was taking a dip and a swerve. It was sinking down further and further into Hell… and it scared her. She couldn't tell him… she couldn't warn him… she couldn't fix it like the so many other times she had. She wouldn't be allowed the forbidden. But it called to her. As did an evil she despised. The one that was with them now… the one they had to save the friend from. The dolls that whispered in her ears would lie to her… she'd make sure of that. She knew, without a doubt she knew… she smelled the end and it drove her… filling her completely. Drusilla would never cease to amaze Autum. She would watch as the world crumbles and laugh until her last nonexistent heartbeat and a scream would tear through her throat as she crumbled away with it. Thus was her agony, the burden she bore. She could already hear the screams begin and she was mortified. She had had plans that would never come to be. The First Evil was to be her next mission… but this was her punishment. She was doomed to watch their deaths over and over before she saw it for the real time. The screams run around in her mind as she puts her CD in and listens to the music as it washes over her.

Autum rocks back and forth.

If I were a fool in love,

I would weep your name in my soul.

If I were a fool in love,

I would never let you go.

If I were a fool in love,

Every day would be a dream,

If only we could all be fools in love,

Then maybe things would be better.

Drusilla shoves Willow around her lair.

But we can't all be fools in love,

Some of us never get the chance,

No, we can't all be fools in love,

There just isn't enough time.

We can't all be fools in love,

Though it's silly games we've played,

I'm sick of all these fools in love,

It hurts to be ignored.

Buffy sits down in her new apartment with her luggage.

So where are all those fools in love,

When reality steps forward?

Gunn sits around with the gang.

What happened to fools in love,

Couldn't love help them survive?

Connor talks to a woman who looks a lot like Autum.

If only I were a fool in love,

Then I could fly...

Autum stars to cry and sings along with the lyrics.

And then, like all the fools in love,

My aching love would die.

Autum jumps up off the bed and goes to the window… singing as she presses her hand up against the window.

The next song start to play and she dances around the apartment

A voice sounds on the wind,  
It screams out to me,  
But where did it come from,  
What does it want with me?

Spike stands in the shower… thinking.

I can't escape it,  
Though like a madman I flee,  
Dropping my burden,  
To flounder like a fish in the sea

Autum jumps around singing/ Buffy siting in her apartment.

When I can't watch the world pass me by,  
And it hurts to much to say goodbye,  
I weep in silence,  
Every day,  
Knowing,  
Nothing is ever the same.

Angel looks in Buffy's room for her/ Buffy grabbing Spike's hand before he died saving the world

I try to run,  
But I can't.  
Something holds me to this place of mourning.  
I try to scream,  
But my voice won't come.

Autum scream/singing

It's maddening,  
To be truly alone,  
Without a care in the world,  
Without any home.  
I don't think I like this anymore.

Connor in the hotel room looking at a picture of Autum

The screeching wail of a desperate soul will fill my ears,  
But I can't help you,  
I don't know how to help.

Oz looks in Willow's room/ Autum singing and crying/ Spike comes out of the shower.

Must make this insanity stop.  
So I try to find you,  
You're voice,  
This moaning is killing me.  
It's a faint memory,  
Of a pain long gone,  
And it's choking me,  
I must have known all along,  
It's not you that's screaming,  
It's me.  
I was just to catch up,  
Trying to find my humanity.

Spike looks at Autum crumpled on the floor and turns off the music… pulling her sobbing form into their bed.


	3. Back To Who I Was

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

BACK TO WHO I WAS(1.03.03)

Autum shakes as she tries to tell him something. "Spike? William? We have to go… go back. She's there."

"Who pet?"

"Death…"

Autum and Spike show up at the Hyperion where they are met by Angel, "Why are you back?"

Autum put her hand out to him, taking his own hand and holding it. "Death is knocking and it's time for the return. Sorry we didn't call first, lamb."

"Buffy's not here, she left."

Autum rolls her eyes at him, "That's the reason we came… ordinarily I'd let her take care of it. Is Connor around?"

"I'm here." Connor's cold voice comes from the shadows.

"Good… call Sky and Mitch. I'm gonna call Phil and see if he has a way to get us into Sunset."

"Why?"

Autum looks up at him in fear, "Drusilla's here and she has Willow."

Oz runs down the stairs, "Guys, Willow's missing!"

"Already got that." Angel says, clearly pissed at seeing Autum and Spike back. Connor couldn't help it. She'd just gotten here and he'd already forgiven her in his head.

"Oh." Oz looks astonished… which is odd, 'cause Oz with an expression is like Harmony with a good idea, it just doesn't happen.

"So, you calling them or what?" She raises her eyebrow at Connor. He nods and goes to the phone.

"Thanks, Phil. You're a lifesaver." Connor got off the phone and went over to Autum, "He said to be there in 15. The guys are already on their way.

Autum shoves everyone into the closet. "What's up with this, babe?" Faith asks the Essence.

Autum rolls her eyes and closes the door, she opens it and they're in a nightclub. "This is the Sunset. Don't touch anything, don't kill anyone. Connor, I see Mitch and Sky. Let's go plan our set up. I put a glamore on you. So don't mess it up." She pulls Connor away with her.

Buffy stands right up front, She'd had that dream again… the exact same one she'd had when she'd been dying. So she was here, and she'd stay here until Autum showed up.

The manager came out on stage, "And now may I present… DOOMSDAY!!" The crowd eats it up and jumps as Autum, Connor, Mitch and Sky come onto the stage.

Autum takes the mic, "Right then, ducks. Now I know you're all gettin a bit of the jitters in the wait. So we're going to start off with a simple one for you. Hit it, pet." Mitch started off with a beat as Connor started in with the melody. Autum's voice rang out and the crowd was silently waiting for the chorus that the all loved.

Filling every gap

The shadow in my soul

Obsession drives me on

Onwards to my goal

No place for man to speak

Nothing to drive us on

Without a place to go

Hope is lost is gone

The crowd screams the chorus along with her. (below is the chorus)

Drive onward to my sanctuary

Handcrafted out of stone

Tomb of all forgotten things

As one of them I've grown

The crowd cheers and shouts and whistles at her.

Fallen angels from the sky

Hear their flapping wings

Voices raised, the devil's cry

The darkness 'round us sings

Autum throws her hands in the air and then puts the mic out for the crowd to sing along with. Buffy rethinks her plan as a mosh pit starts right next to her.

Drive onward to my sanctuary

Handcrafted out of stone

Tomb of all forgotten things

As one of them I've grown

Autum belts out and holds the note before delving into the highest notes in the song.

Sanctuary holds my place

Abides by all my laws

Forgotten heartbeat's pace increased

Pointing out my flaws

The crowd is still at and uproar… but calms down as the tempo drops.

Drive onward to my sanctuary

Handcrafted out of stone

Tomb of all forgotten things

As one of them I've grown

Autum holds the note and the crowd bursts into cheers. And Connor steps forward for his guitar solo. The crowd eats it up.

Drive onward to my sanctuary

Handcrafted out of stone

Tomb of all forgotten things

As one of them I've grown

Received my black wings!

At the last line of the song the crowd screams it with her. Autum smiles and steps back from the mic… still no Dru yet. But she'd be here soon.

Angel hadn't known Connor could do that… he hadn't known Autum could sing like that. Angel had known that she liked to sing. But now he knows more then he'd ever bothered to here. Someone bumped into him, "Hey! Watch it!"

Dru silently pushed past her daddy. To the stage where she'd show Willy why he was to be hers.

Autum and the band got ready for the next song. Autum stood and grabbed the mic. The crowd cheered the band on. "Alright… now, put it together for our newest number, Again!" The crowd got silent so they could pick up the new song. If it was by Doomsday and it was new, chances were that this was the first time they'd preformed it. Meaning that if they listened they'd know it before everyone else did. Thereby making them kewl(when spelled this way it makes it more than just cool.)

Listen!

Dru stands at the stage, swaying to the music.

Why don't people ever find a place to call their own?

Why don't people ever listen when the preachers preach of old?

Drowning, accepting the limits that we teach

Hiding in darkness, just so we can't be reached

Without a place to run, without the cover of the night!

Without a sanctuary, will you hold your own in the fight?

Autum sings/ Spike sees Dru

Don't try to kid me!

Didn't you ever know?

Lies burning through me!

Don't try to kid me,

Again

Spike motions to Angel towards Dru/ Autum singing

Horrors running down the streets

Terror flooding in your mind

Harbingers that can't be breached

Little ones the place to find

Dru grabs someone and bites them

Don't try to kid me!

Didn't you ever know?

Lies burning through me!

Don't try to kid me,

Angel and Spike both rush at her/ Buffy rushes at her/ Autum sings and sees Dru. She jumps off the stage during the guitar solo. She punches Dru in the face. Dru hisses and punches back. Angel and Spike take over as Autum does a back flip onto the stage, grabs her guitar and does a duet type thing with Connor

Don't try to kid me!

Didn't you ever know?

Lies burning through me!

Don't try to kid me,

By this time, the crowd has caught onto the lyrics and is belting it with her. On their feet, also cheering on Angel and Spike. Ignoring the dead guy. When Autum goes in for the big finish, the crowd is deadly silent again.

Listen!

Listen!

Listen!

Again

Spike and Angel pull Dru back through the portal… eventually the entire gang goes back in, save those in the band.

Autum returns backstage after the show and sees the Slayer waiting for her. She's not all that surprised, "Hello ducks." She grins, "Enjoy the show? Have all our little dears put in for it?"

Buffy stands, "What was going on? What's up?"

"Willow, Dru got to her. If you want to help, you can."

"Me? Help you? I don't think so." Buffy says coldly.

Autum shrugs, "Have it your way then, pet. You can still help without them finding out about it though… just chant me up sometime. Have a nice little chat, hmm? It'll be fun." Autum grins as she goes into the closet. Buffy opens it to find she's gone.


	4. The Way the Magics Flow

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

THE WAY THE MAGICS FLOW (1.03.04)

Buffy wraps her hands and walks over to a boombox. Some sort of high-energy music starts playing. She stretches and goes over to the punching bag in the middle of the room.

Autum walks out into a workout room in sweats and throws her towel onto a chair.

Buffy glares at the punching bag. She throws a solid punch at it with everything she's got.

Autum takes in a deep breath and goes up into a handstand and holds it.

Buffy pounds on the bag. Left, right, right, right, left, right, left, left, left kick, right elbow...

Autum is still in the handstand... her eyes are closed and she's wearing a set of headphones. She pulls her left arm out from under herself and holds it out at a ninety-degree angle.

Buffy wails on the punching bag and it flies off of the chain holding it to the ceiling.

Autum pulls her right arm out into an alignment with her left one. As she concentrates she floats in the air.

Buffy bends over trying to catch her breath and she exits the room.

Autum's eyes snap open as she checks on the spell that holds her up. The trance she's in makes the magic shine like lit up water. She looks down and sees as the flow of the magic is falling onto the ground and pushes her up. It streams like a waterfall. She concentrates harder until the magic that holds her up is as thin as a strand of hair, a tiny trickle. It takes energy and practice of the highest levels to achieve this state of calm and concentration.

Angel runs to the workroom as fast as he could... he has to find Autum, something has gone wrong.

Willow is walking down the hallway when it hit her. It came all at once. She feels it. The power is strong. Dark in it's own way. Hidden, secret, dangerous. She can taste the evil that's flames licked the edges of the new power. It flows in a powerful current. Willow follows the traces of the magic. Something dangerous was going on, and she'd find it and make it go away. They didn't have time for anything to go wrong. Not this time.

Autum closes her eyes again and drifts in her mind, her thoughts. A hand reaches out and grabs her. She falls to the floor with a crash and looks up to see the thing that had wrecked her concentration. Autum's eyes narrow, "What the bloody hell do you want?"


	5. Prophets and Lullabies

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

PROPHETS AND LULLABIES (1.03.05)

Autum pushes herself off the floor and glares at the intruder. "That wasn't very nice, you know."

Willow bursts into the empty work room.

Autum slips into the basement, followed closely by Buffy. "You're sure Willow's safe?"

"Shhh.. yes. We got her back, and they haven't gotten around to dusting Dru yet. Thought you might fancy asking her a few questions." Autum tells the blonde.

Dru sits on the floor and listens as the intruders come forward, "Silly little girl sees fairy pictures in the water. They can't swim alone. But we wonder as the fire crackles in it's own humorless way. What does dinner have to say, but for it's own lullaby before breakfast?"

"What can you tell us about the Apocalypse." Buffy asks coldly.

"Will we get our Willy back if we tell?" Dru looks up.

"No, you can't have Spike." Buffy tells her in an even colder tone.

"Hmmm..." Dru whimpers, "Stings us with her rays, she does. And never leaves us flowers to grow in the rain. Your tongue has its ways."

"The Apocalypse." Buffy reminds her.

"It's a terrible fright. Can't wait to wear my new dress. Daddy held it up to the candle and it burned, but I can get it back if I'm a good dolly. Miss Edith heard them whispering. They blame the head. It'll roll and roll, but they'll never find it. It doesn't want to be found. And it won't stop spinning it's spells. It weaves in and out. You know what I'm saying, don't you?" Dru grins at Autum, "That's why my boys chose you. You're the singer. Whispers flood your lips and chaos comes from good little girls... in satin robes. The bed was made, but he has mussed it. It was never meant for her... so the party will come, and all the evil are sickened by it, though they'd never admit it to themselves. You're the one who bleeds. They're searching now... They find your tongue amusing..." Dru retreats back into her corner, muttering to herself.

Giles flips through a book, stands, and puts the book in Dawn's lap. "What do you make of this, here?" He points.

"The Shanshu prophecy. Tells of a vampire with a soul becoming human after the Apocalypse." Dawn blinks away her sleepiness.

"Exactly!" Giles exclaims, triumphantly.

"Exactly what?" Xander asks.

"The Niazian terms are complicated, and have many meanings. I looked over Wesley's notes... they were fairly accurate. But... how would this happen 'after' the Apocalypse?" Giles tells him.

Dawn sits up, "In which case it would have to happen before the Apocalypse. Thereby being the one sure sign of the true Apocalypse. With that being true... we'd be out of one of our best fighters."

"Perhaps, but..." Giles flips to another page in the book, "This book tells of several other theories. Reading... interpreting Niazian is very a kin to speaking, reading in riddles. There is always a loop hold. Which means, Wesley might not be wrong at all meaning..."

"That vampires... everything that's evil... will survive the Apocalypse. That the end of the world doesn't meant the end of humanity." Dawn finishes.

"Precisely. Unfortunately no one will be able to tell us which it is until after it happens."

"At which point it'll already be too late." Dawn sighs.

"Not necessarily." Angel says. "We do know probably the only living person who ever spoke Niazian."

Autum comes up from the basement and walks over, "Hello, children... What?"

"What do you know of the Niazian scrolls? In particular... The Shanshu Prophecy." Spike asks her.

Autum's face goes white and she bites her lip, "I'll not say a word without the Slayer here."

Faith raises her hand, "Present."

Buffy walks in, "Present twice." The group stares at her.

"Right... I guess I'll tell you, then." Autum turns to them, taking a deep breath


	6. Riddles That I Sing

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

RIDDLES THAT I SING (1.03.06)

Autum leads back into the sofa as she makes herself comfortable before beginning what she had to tell. Buffy moves closer to her and sits on a chair facing the girl. She isn't stupid, she can tell that everyone is watching her, and she chooses to ignore it. Two pairs of eyes that rest on her make her uneasy, but she doesn't let them see it. It was only the one pair that made her feel worse then the other two… the slightly mocking stare of the child that sat before her. No matter how hard she'd tried to push past it, the person that sat before her resembled just that. She would never forget what the girl was, but she would also never forget that the 'Essence' was simply a girl, thrown into a position not completely unlike her own… and yet they were so different that it scared her to stare back into the alien eyes. A blue different then the eyes of the other's she'd known. The thing that took place of what Buffy could only see in the image of a girl barely eighteen if that. But there were tells of the horrors she'd tell them eventually. And that scared her the most… the promise that there were worse things out there then those of which she herself had faced. Autum simply sits there and stares back at her defiantly. Buffy is slightly alarmed by the change in the girl's eyes. Forgot how quickly they could turn from a soft blue to a cold gray at a moment's notice. That if that anger was turned towards her… that she' would be unable to stop it.

"Where to begin…" Autum wonders to herself.

"How 'bout at the beginning?" Riley asks. True, with all of them cramped into it, the hotel lobby was slightly crowded. They don't care in the least.

"The beginning? The beginning would be depending on your definition of the word, pet." She sneers at him. "The beginning of what exactly? The start of humanity? The world's first turn? The world's first battle of good verses evil? News flash, all, this isn't some little training exercise. This is it. You want to know of the Niazian scrolls? Fine… but as I'm sure you've realized, the scroll reads in riddles. For the exact translation… well, even then you'd have some guess work to do. I was there when they were being seen. I know because I saw. Too much important will happen for you to be misled by the words of those who are long dead to the world."

"Lucky for us, we have you." Angel says in a falsely cheerful voice. Spike stands in the corner and listens as she sits there, warning them of the webs they'd be weaving.

"And yet," Autum shakes her head, "What makes you think they're true at all? Prophecies faked and all that. Isn't that your fight, lamb?" She questions of Angel.

"True, there have been prophecies that have been… lies to say the least." He admits.

"Or are they?" Her eyes glint in amusement as she grins sweetly at his ignorance. " 'The father will kill the son.' "

Angel stands up, the rage in his action rising to a boil as he rushes over to her and grabs her by the throat. At the action, Spike, Connor, Riley, and Pike all manage to pull him off of her and move him a safer distance away. "I didn't do that. I never will."

Autum looks up at him, her hand massaging her throat, "Are you so sure? What makes you think that you didn't kill your son? He's not who he would have been by a long shot… but then, he never would have truly been your 'son'. What even makes you believe that that prophecy had anything to do with either of you at all?"

"Sah 'Jahn." Angel tells her bitterly.

At that Autum rolls her eyes, "Poor bloke didn't like what he read is all. 'I' changed the prophecy… didn't mean I made it up. How about this one? 'There will be no birth, only death.'." She grins, then appears to look almost like she regrets her words. "More specifically to the point… 'The one of a face where windows hide no mercy shall be free. In death he was lost, and in life shall he be found again. The battle as it rages is the key that causes the gates to flood and agonizing defeat to wash over. In his part he will do well, for when watched through windows can only the truest nature be seen. What was once a solid foundation shall crumble at his feet. Though where his feet will land is the choice of the face. No choice can be made without the approval of the heart. For hearts are the window's dressings as for what she'll truly see. And of his line and lineage thus so promoted, is his claim. And the fates of the world will bow to his greatest desire. He will be born from death and shall me made in man flesh for his penance. The curse, the gift, the revenge… and he will live as he hadn't before. When she bows her head to him, the world shall break for their love… and only their love can stop it. Or else the world's peril is indefinite. And only the greater love of the nameless one will bring back the sanity of the tears. The blood will be made, and the curse resolved. As the nameless will be the sacrifice the world swallows whole. The nameless and it's mate… both discarded, neither gained. For it was their love, and not the others that would truly be saved… the others doomed for the forgotten… and the flowers bloom in night, and the nameless will turn from the path to regain what was it's to begin… and the end will begin again…' " Her voice drifts off until she snaps her head up, "Rather lengthy… but I can't help but wonder what you find it to mean."

"Then tell us." Buffy whispers.

"Well, I can't, now, can I?" Autum stares at her in a way that becomes even more unnerving… she looks at her with pain and hurt and fear… without so much as a blink. "This was one of my greatest riddles. One of the few things that I put the time and effort in so it would be the hardest to translate… and here you all are. Asking me for more… to point you on your bleedin' path. And 'innit oh so grand for you? Either way, it's buggered. You're not meant to figure this one out, ducks." She glares at them triumphantly, and the tears still started to stream down her face, her pure hatred of her own situation making her body shake and vibrate in ways that frightened them all. Her in a bad temper wasn't what they needed.

"I may not be meant to… but I will." Buffy tells the girl in her best 'higher-then-thou' voice. Resulting in Autum's harsh laugh that sent them all to shivers. She looks Buffy right in the eyes once more.

"I think I'll enjoy this." There's a flash… and they can no longer find hide nor hair of her.

"I really hate it when she does that." Xander states


	7. Figure Me Out

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

FIGURE ME OUT (1.03.07)

"So we're just going to sit here and try to figure out what she was talking about?" Xander asks in disbelief, his mouth dropping.

"Let's just break it down for now, ok?" Buffy asks. " 'The one of a face where window's hide no mercy shall be free.' Let's start with that."

"Buffy, a face with windows?" Riley says, "It doesn't make any sense. It's like a riddle, like she said."

"No," Angel says in realization, "It's a prophecy."

"Yeah, meaning?" Sam chimed in.

"We have someone who should understand a prophecy, right?"

"How so?" Oz asks.

"Autum's dramatic, a slight romantic, if the prophecy doesn't tell us anything else. You've heard her songs, she doesn't speak in riddles, she speaks… like a poet." He looks Spike in the eye. "And we've got one of them right here."

Spike looks up, "No, not me, no way!"

"Spike, i-it's perfect!" Willow exclaims cheerfully, "I mean, poetry is basically taking the longest way to say the simplest thing. Wesley's notes may have been closer to a summarization to it."

Spike sighs, "So what if I do have an idea of what it means? I could still be wrong."

"Just start with the first part, B, you write it down?" Faith nods to the other Slayer. Buffy nods grimly. "Come on, 'the one of a face where windows hide no mercy', spit it out!"

Spike closes his eyes and rubs his forehead, "Umm, someone with a soul but they don't really care about it that much. Like, they don't let their soul get in their way."

"Ok, good." Pike nods, "That is good, right?"

"Excellent, now, 'In death he was lost, and in life shall he be found again', well, that's fairly obvious. That's the coming alive again, or… human. Umm, 'The battle as it rages is the key that causes the gates to flood and agonizing defeat to wash over'." Giles looks up from the piece of paper he'd written Autum's words on.

"The Apocalypse." Connor states plainly.

Spike thinks, "The gates to flood over… more then the Apocalypse. The Apocalypse is the end of the world. This sounds more like… the defeat of existence, of everything everywhere. The Apocalypse is a battle that will send every dimension into chaos. The next one."

" 'In his part he will do well, for when watched through windows can only the truest nature be seen'." Giles continues.

"He'll find the source and win his fight. But that probably means someone else will fail." Spike whispers.

"And thus the whole end of existence problem." Angel sighs.

" 'What was once a solid foundation shall crumble at his feet'."

"The world ending, go on." Buffy says impatiently.

" 'Though where his feet will land is the choice of the face'."

"It's his decision, he wins the fight, but the cost of something he wants is at the world's peril."

" 'No choice can be made without the approval of the heart' the next one after that seems to fit with it, 'For hearts are the window's dressings as for what she'll truly see'."

"She sees his heart through his soul and… the decision he made was about her? Or, the decision was made by her about him…"

" 'And of his line and lineage thus so promoted, is his claim'."

"Someone in his family will lose."

"These two could possibly be together, or separate entities, it's not very clear, 'And the fates of the world will bow to his greatest desire' and 'He will be born from death and shall me made in man flesh for his penance'."

"Either his greatest desire is to be alive, or his greatest desire will come with his being alive." Dawn tells them.

" 'The curse, the gift, the revenge… and he will live as he hadn't before'."

"It depends which curse, which gift, and who's revenge. Though it seems it may be about Peaches after all."

" 'When she bows her head to him, the world shall break for their love… and only their love can stop it. Or else the world's peril is indefinite'."

"The decision was about love, and, it was the wrong decision. But if they want to stop it, they need to give into each other completely." No one but Dawn saw it, the pain in his eyes as he went on explaining it. That in his mind, he'd already accepted that the people he was talking about were Angel and Buffy. That he'd already given up on his chance, on the one thing he'd wanted most.

" 'And only the greater love of the nameless one will bring back the sanity of the tears'."

At this, Spike's head snaps up, "Keep reading."

" 'The blood will be made, and the curse resolved. As the nameless will be the sacrifice the world swallows whole. The nameless and it's mate… both discarded, neither gained. For it was their love, and not the others that would truly be saved… the…"

"Stop," Spike thinks quickly, it was starting to make a little bit of sense, if any. "The one she doesn't chose will mate with the nameless one, whomever that is. And while the others think it's their job to save it, the others are the only ones who can show them the way."

" 'the others doomed for the forgotten… and the flowers bloom in night, and the nameless will turn from the path to regain what was it's to begin… and the end will begin again…'."

"They'll forget what really happened, and the… world will be made again. The nameless one's going to rebuild the world." Spike looks at them in wonder.

"Are you sure?" Buffy asks.

"No." Spike tells her, standing, "But I'm not saying it isn't a possibility. Think of it, how much fun this ride's going to be. And none of us will ever remember it. If that isn't a grande ol' time, I dunno what is!"

"Dying isn't fun, Spike!" Buffy yells at him. Everyone looks away as Buffy starts to cry, "It hurts, the dying, after it's not so bad, but it hurts!"

"And we're not going to remember it." Spike says simply, "None of us will ever remember what it felt like to see the world end, but we'll know that we did, and that sounds pretty much like a day I'd love to get in on the fight for, love." He turns and walks up the stairs.

"So the end really is coming." Faith says to herself, trying to let it sink in.

"I guess we'll never know until it's too late." Buffy says, turning to face them.

"What're you doing back?" Willow asks her, trying to keep her temper.


	8. Pretty Pictures

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

PRETTY PICTURES (1.03.08)

Buffy takes several deep breaths before she faces her so called 'friends'. "Oh, yeah… hi!" She smiles hesitantly. "Um… about that… I may have… overreacted just a little bit."

"You don't say." Willow crosses her arms.

Autum sits on her bed, with a guitar in her hands, strumming on it softly. She hums along with it and there's a knock on the door. She turns a little to face Spike. "Nice little tune, you got there… does it have words?" Autum turns away from him and starts playing again. Spike sighs and rolls his eyes, "What's with you now, pet?"

"Nothing different, I feel quiet fine, thank you." She doesn't look him in the face.

"No," He tells her, "you don't."

"Like I'd bother to tell you." She sneers at him.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you? You're acting like some hormonal teenager! That's not you, love, and you know it!" Spike scowls at her as she rests her guitar on the bed and stands to face him, her jaw set and her eyes glazed in fury.

"And why the bleedin' hell are you to tell me what I am?" She asks him in a low voice that shakes and sends shivers up his spine.

"I don't know! But you've been around for sodden ever… it's time for you to grow up, already!" He growls at her and hangs his head as he realizes what he's said. "I didn't mean it like…"

"No, you did." Autum says calmly, her hands resting on her hips. "But you see… I have grown up." She looks at the floor as she starts to walk over to him, "I'm a big girl, William. I can take care of myself." Autum grins as she looks into his eyes, but her expression changes as she pushes him into the dresser now behind him. "So, all I have left to wonder about in my pretty little head… is why for mercy's sake do you care?" Spike is lost for words as she slowly comes closer, and closer, until she's pressed up against him. "William, I'm not your bint. You don't really care, do you? All you care about is the little blonde chit sitting downstairs. So why, my sweet, are you up here, instead of with her?" Spike looks away from her, but Autum grabs his face and twists his head so he's looking her in the eyes. "I'll tell you why… because you can't hold onto her. Never could hold onto anything in your entire life… that's why you're where you are today." She smirks as she backs away, "That's why you're going to leave."

"Leave what?" Spike asks her, having no idea what she's talking about.

Autum sighs and collapses on the bed, "I knew, you know. I knew when we came back it'd be all about her. And still I came." She folds her hands in her lap and takes a deep breath before continuing, "Just go… I came up here for a reason." Spike nodded at her, leaving her to pick up her guitar once again.

Buffy looks down as she finishes what she's saying, "And I know you're all really sorry, and everything… so am I. But I can't just be here and have you guys expect for everything to go back to the way it was. I don't trust you… I can't trust you. The fact alone that you kept Spike's existence a secret proves that. I know you meant it for the best, and believe me… I'm pissed at him too. But you guys can't just expect for me to suddenly bounce back from everything."

Giles looks at the floor, "You know, Buffy," He looks up at her, "We are here for you. If you feel like you need to talk."

"I know that… but I just need to be alone for now… ok?" They all nod at her, understanding. Buffy turns to go back to her apartment, stopping at the door, "If you need me, Autum knows how to reach me." And with that she left, again.

Spike came down the stairs, "Where's Buffy?"

Angel goes to his office, "She left."

"Oh." Spike whispers. He turns and goes back upstairs.

Conner walks down to his room, pausing at the sound of a guitar. He pokes his head into Autum's room, "New song?"

Autum looks up at him, before laying to guitar down, "Practice is tonight. Told the boys to bring the meet 'n' greet here." She motions for him to sit, but he shakes his head.

"Maybe… I dunno, maybe we could ask the gang if they wanted to watch? You know, not the whole thing… just as like, a practice audience?" He shrugs, staring at his shoes.

"What? Got a case of stage fright, ducks?" Autum giggles, he looks up at her and joins in.

"Well… sometimes," He stops laughing, "but it could be good for the band."

"Right, then." She nods, "But first, I have to finish this song… don't worry… I'll have the sheet music ready by the time they get here."

"I can't believe all we're going to do is sit here and watch a band practice." Dawn whined, "Shouldn't we be doing research on those senior partner people?"

Giles squirms in his seat between her and Andrew, "If Autum is so sure that this is a good idea… we may as well be here. I don't believe, however, that allowing her to blow a gasket is the best way to go, she seems to be rather… angry lately. The last fight she had with Spike caused the building to shake."

Dawn nods, "Gotcha… angry psycho loony goddess equals badness."

Autum looks at the rather odd crowd they'd assembled for their practice section. "Well, well," She murmured as Buffy slipped in the back, "Won't this be interesting?" Instead of taking her usual place at center stage, Autum sits at a piano as the rest of the band waits for her cue. Autum starts playing the piano. The music coming from it sounds a little sad.

Pretty pictures painted on my walls

Voices raised but never heard

Rain falls down from sea green eyes

Underneath starry skies

She nods and the rest of the band joins in along with the piano

And there are flowers and angels

And the moon and the sea

Then there's mommy and daddy

And then there's you and me

In a place where we're cornered

In a house of cold stone

I'll stay forever broken

The band fades out as just the piano plays again… but when Autum stars to sing the band joins in again.

Ladder sits beneath the apple tree

Cars drive by but never notice

Empty world, so lost, so calm

Never knowing where to fall

Autum closes her eyes

And there are flowers and angels

And the moon and the sea

Then there's mommy and daddy

And then there's you and me

In a place where we're cornered

In a house of cold stone

I'll stay forever broken

Autum plays alone on the piano, which ends up changing from a minor to a major chord

But then the wind

And the leaves

And all of these things

And the words

That are true

All lead to you

Autum stops playing… which leaves only her voice

There'll be flowers and angels

Still a moon and a sea

I'll still miss mommy and daddy

And kisses and hug (the band picks back up)

In a place, still, we're cornered

In our house of cold stone

I'll stay forever broken

Autum holds the note, pain written on her face as the band fades out again

But I won't be alone

Autum smiles back at the band as she finishes with the piano only, again

Pretty pictures painted on my walls

Voices raised but never heard

Rain falls down from sea green eyes

Underneath starry skies

Autum stands and grins at the band… someone in the back of the room claps as he steps forward. "Well, what a nice way to come home!" Lorne grins back at the stunned group.


	9. Sing For Me Your Soul

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

SING FOR ME YOUR SOUL (1.03.09)

"Lorne!" Fred says as she slips out of her seat and goes over to him. Lorne's mouth is opened in shock.

"Fredickins? Who… how?" Autum jumps off of the stage.

"That'd be my doing, ducky." She stares at Lorne hard.

Angel looks to her, then to Lorne, "Lorne, this is…"

"I know who she is." Lorne dismissed them, "But I've got to say, I didn't think you'd've been through all that."

"You read her?" Connor asks, looking at Lorne as if suspicious.

"Yes, and no…" Lorne looks at the girl. She's tiny, pale, brown-red hair and eyes of stone, she didn't look the way he'd thought she would. He'd expected someone… taller. "Sorry, cupcake," and he truly was. "You're only at the beginning."

"Is that so?" Autum asks, "Well, don't you think I know this? A lot left to come."

Buffy tried to sneak out while they were chatting, but found herself face to face with Spike, who placed his hand over her mouth. "You're coming with me." He tells her, before he leads her out of the room.

"I won't bloody well sing for you so nancy boy, here can give me a bit of the prod and probe." Autum snarls.

"Why not?" Riley asks her, "You keep saying we should trust you, but then you refuse to do this?"

Autum sticks out her chin and clenches her jaw as she goes to the stage, sitting once more at the piano. "Does it matter what I sing?"

"No." Lorne assures her.

Autum begins to play, and as her voice rings out, Lorne is thrown into a whirlwind.

I'm falling

I'm sinking

I can't hold on

And it scares me

1753: Autum walks down an alleyway and sees Liam fall to the ground at Darla's feet. She screams out, as she backs against a wall, clutching at the sides. Her breaths are shallow and tears run down her face. She snaps her head up and glares at Darla.

Nevermind the fact I once thought I had lost you

Nevermind the fact I once thought I lost me

Cannot hold my own without you here beside me

There's everything, yet nothing, I can see

Autum charges at Darla, they fight. Darla punches her in the face and scratches her with her nail. When Darla throws the girl into a wall, she disappears. Autum hobbles to Liam's corpse and weeps over it. Rain falls and she pulls him to her.

I'm falling

And I'm sinking

I can't hold on

And it scares me

I'm screaming

Needing

A place where I belong

A place where I belong

Autum stands by Liam's grave. Tears running silently down her face. She stands across the street and watches him eat his first meal. She turns and leaves. Autum's sitting at her home when there's a knock on the door. She answers the door and sees Liam, now Angelous. A bottle drops from her hand and she invites him in. His fangs slip into her hack as a single tear runs down her face, and his hand runs along the side of her pregnant form. (yeah, that's right) She falls to the floor, dead.

Drowning, waiting

Nothing left for me

Slipping, pleading

To find where I call home

To find it on my own

I need to be alone

Liam wipes his mouth of her blood, before slitting his wrist and feeding her his blood. Autum's form lays on the ground, the wounds close up, her stomach goes flat as she sits up, blood running down her. She smoothes over her dress and anger glows in her eyes. She gets up, breaks off a chair leg and rushes out the door. She sees Darla and Angelous, and breaks down.

'Til I stop falling

And sinking

I'll find somewhere to hold on

No more screaming

'Cause I don't need it

I just need a place to call home

I just want to find my home

She crumples to the ground and watches as the leave. She runs back into her house and stares at her dead children's faces. She sits near the fire holding to a picture of Liam, smiling as she looks at him. She jumps up and throws the table at the wall. She over turns the chairs in the kitchen along with the table, plates shattering as they hit the dirt floor. She sobs on her floor. Staring once more at his picture before feeding it to the flames.

Autum bows her head as she finishes the song, and Lorne is pulled out of her mind. "Give us another, chickpea." Lorne tells her breathlessly, needing to know more of her story, more about her, if simply to see her future. Autum nods, starting another one.

Fairies, dancing in my mind

Roses, all smell of one kind

Flowers, lying near the grave

Tombstone, one less left to save

1860: Autum stares down at a casket as it's being lowered into the ground. The casket falls and the wood cracks revealing Drusilla's face. Dirt is dumped on it. Autum sits and watches the childe rise and croon as Angelous steps forward, from dark

Nothing, is all I can be

Hoping, I'll still be me

Wandering, through my ramped thoughts

Trying to find, all that I have lost

Autum's pissed and she punches her fist into a stone wall before walking down the street. She ducks her head into a tavern and sits at the bar. She downs a few and nods for another. She swallows shot after shot until she's gasping

Darkness, comes right after light

Waiting, for it to be night

Rising, from where we were forsaken

Crying, because we're being taken

A few coins drop on the bar and the man next to her nods for them to go into her tab. Bright blue eyes meet hers as a man in his thirties sits down. The man smirks over his mug as the keep slams one down in front of her as well. She gulps it down

Nothing, is all I can be

Hoping, I'll still be me

Wandering, through my ramped thoughts

Trying to find, all that I have lost

Autum stumbles into the alley outside the bar and trips, falling to the floor. The man from the bar helps her up and laughs as he pulls her along with him. They enter a house. The door closes and the man presses her up against the wall, they kiss.

Empty minds play tricky games

Happiness cannot be found, if sane

Tired, restless from my journey

Praying, to be given mercy

Autum's eyes open groggily and she groans. She sits in the bed. She leaves the room and finds herself in a hallway. She walks down it and comes face to face with a little blonde boy about eight years old. He cocks his the side, eyebrow raised

Because there's nothing for me to be

No more hope, I'll never be free

Wandering, 'til I'm lost in my thoughts

Always trying to find everything I've lost

The boy turns his head to see his mother, but when he turns back, the mysterious lady is gone. Autum flew back to the 'guest room'. She jumped out the window. William watches her run out the window, looking back at his mother, then her

Autum sighs, looking at Lorne as the last words roll off her lips. He nods and she rolls her eyes, diving back into another one.

Hiding, in my restraining skin

Crying, for my heavy soul

Waiting, for comfort to return

Nothing, is all I am

1868: Autum walks down the sidewalk in Venice. She ducks into a little boarding house to get out of the rain. She enters and sees a young man staring at her through heavily lashed blue eyes. He grins and she rushes to the kitchens.

But you made me see

All that I could be

You made me feel

That love could be real

But then you...

Pushed it all away

She's standing in the same alley talking to someone. He comes into view, the same man as before, he pushes her against the wall and kisses her, she hoists herself up so her legs drape around his hips. He pulls away and she pulls him back down. She slides free and cocks her head before pulling him in again. She grabs his hand and leads him down the street

Gone, are my desires

Hope, has expired

Love, has no place in my heart

Pain, will always play it's part

1879: Autum props herself up in bed and sniffs the air. She smells something not right. She gets off of the bed, closing her journal and sticking it back into her box. She goes over to the widow, and then goes out into the small kitchen/dining room.

But you made me see

All I could be

You made me feel

That love could be real

But then you...

Pushed it all away

So excuse me when I say

She looks around and sees someone standing in the doorway, holding a torch. Her house is drenched in oil. The woman in the door's face slips into a grin before she drops the torch and the house is lit in flames. The woman walks away. Autum sits down as her skin catches on fire. She cradles herself, crying hard. But she won't give in and scream, she's better then that

I'm nothing, hiding

I'm broken, crying

I'm waiting...

For what is gone

Never stopped screaming...

After all

William walks down the street from the market and smells smoke, seeing it on the horizons, he drops his things and runs as fast and as hard as he can. He sees the fire and screams out for her. Autum snaps her head up at his voice. William strains his eyes and finally makes her out, curled up in a ball on the floor. His eyes make contact with hers and she cries in streams. She screams out once, throwing back her head.

You made me see...

What I'll never be

You made me feel...

But it wasn't real

Because you took it all away!

Lied to me everyday...

When you...

Pushed it all away

1880: Spike runs from the party. Autum sees him from the back, she's following him carefully. He crashes into Dru, Darla and Angelous. She doesn't recognize them until Angelous lifts his face. She tries to find William again, and she sees Dru following him. She tries to push through the streets and she runs. William looks Dru in the face as she leans and plunges her fangs into his neck. Autum turns the corner just in time to see his body fall and Dru feeds him her blood

Autum wipes her face with the back of her hand, "Enough for you yet, ducks?" Lorne hesitates, "One more?" She nods. 'The girl's got a sweet voice, but a very sad life' he thought to himself. He is slightly horrified when the tune changes from sad to angry. 'Way to go Lorne, get her pissed as hell.' He kicked himself. Her voice was now slightly raspier, but still pretty.

I'm falling through the sky from heaven

I'm falling in the pit to hell

I follow the path down which you lead me

Though I know this dream can't end well

Future: Blank, dark, nothing. Empty, cold, dead. A hand slides through the darkness, the silence. A scrap of paper flies by. The pain, the hurt, the humiliation. Nothing will ever just be, will never just become. Everything is lost, so lost. Cackling and screaming and singing. Riddles swim through minds. Anger, betrayal, heartbreak. Fire, brimstone, decay, rot. Everything is going to end, there's nothing that can stop it… DOOM DOOM DOOM! The darkness screams out as a face drifts. Autum stares blankly into space. She is nothing… was never anything, will never be anything. She's imaginary.

It never ends, your lies they still amaze me

Things, but for you, that never claimed to be

Now: Drusilla cackles and laughs. Spike talks to Buffy. Angel shifts. Faith taps her foot along with the beat. Connor sucks in air as he mouths the lyrics along with Autum. Riley drapes his arm over his wife. Pike sneaks out to catch a glimpse of Spike and Buffy, yeah… he noticed. Willow misses them both… Tara and Kennedy, both gone… she misses them so much.

Back through time and space to this restless town

Do you tell yourself that this is your devotion?

All you do is get in the way

And always pull me down

Future: Faith screams, then laughs, a bloody grin spread across her face. Buffy leans into Spike, breathing in the leather as she weeps. The worlds come crashing down. Everything gone, completely erased from existence. Riley being thrown into a wall. Mrs. Finn thinking of her child as her head is ripped off. Pike disappearing before the final battle. Fists hitting faces. Blood pouring out of scratches, death's lingering scent

Pull me up

And push me around

Did you find a way to bring me down?

Close your eyes

Just shut me out

Did you know? Did you have any doubt?

Now: Buffy punches the banister, breaking it. Spike grabs her shoulders and shakes her. Autum sings out and her voice shakes slightly as she starts to tremble in anger. The words are being spit out as if poison. Pens lying on pieces of paper. Handwriting scribbled across the sheets. Fingers tapping on the side of one of the chairs. The hearts' pounding and beating

I'm drowning in your admiration

You suffocate my every breath

You broke the walls I put around my heart

You're watching me

You're the only one who really knows me

Future: Lips smashing down. Bloody fists being shoved into pavement. One last kiss good-bye, whom for? Whom from? Fingers entwined, blood mingling. Fangs descending on flesh. Blood flowing, freely. Skin and sheets, satin and silk.

And there were times I felt so alone

But I can't hide it any more

Pull me up

And push me around

Did you find a way to bring me down?

Close your eyes

Just shut me out

Did you know? Did you have any doubt?

A name, a sound, but too far off to recall. A lifetime of memories. Everything empty, gone. But for the hand, and the sheets. A foot floats in the timeless capacity as well. They must belong to something. All that remains of the earth are the ashes. And the blood. But the screams are gone, and there's just nothing, but to wait. Autum opens her eyes, she's alone

I'm falling through my life's foundations

Platform on high, which once, I stood

Do you fear my heart-bled consecration?

Don't, it won't do you any good

Pull me up

And push me around

Don't care if you find a way to bring me down

Close your eyes

Just shut me out

It's all you do, when you have any doubts

A dizzying array of vissions fly around, images of pain and suffering, the pictures of the days where there was nothing but a cold feeling, where death hung in the air

Lorne is suddenly thrust back into the real world as her 'reading' has ended. He just looks at the girl, knowing that the whole story couldn't have just been in those few clips he'd seen. Yet what he saw had reminded him that she wasn't as young as she looked, but she was still just a scared little girl. She had to know that this was going to happen. He knew it, he believed it, because she did. She knew everything that was going on all around her, yet she was still able to shut everything out and be completely alone. Her life was a very sad story… and he was half certain that she would find a way to make things right. Even though he believed that she believed that this was the true end. He couldn't help but feel that this was just one more story to tell the family.


	10. Don't Forget

Disclaimer: don't own them, Joss does

DON'T FORGET (1.03.10)

Autum strides through the office. Earning odd looks from everyone. She walks right into the office, banging opened the doors. "We were in a meeting, miss…" A woman looks at her, trying to place her.

The man next to her stands, "Lilah, you really don't know who this is. I'm sure the Senior Partners don't mind this meeting being interrupted for this. Lindsey McDonald, nice to meet you." He sticks out his hand.

Autum ignores him, "Do you know who I am?"

The man smiles, "You're a friend of Angel's, the former CEO of Wolfram and Hart, where you're now standing…"

"No." She snaps, cutting him off. Lindsay doesn't like this, unplanned, and probably not good. "I'm Autum, known by those of the ancient lore as the Essence." The Partners rose from their seats as gasps erupted the room, but Autum held her hands up in truce, "Not here to fight, pet. Just warning you that you'll be holding off on the Apocalypse for a bit longer."

'Why would we do that?' one of them asks her. One small fact-oid about the Sr. Partners, they don't 'speak', they 'think'.

Autum looks him straight in the eyes, "Because I'm the one thing that can take you out without so much as breaking a sweat, lamb-chops." She winks as she is suddenly across the room with a blade to the man's throat. "And I'm not exactly killing you… yet."

'Fine… we will wait for one more month… that is all.'

"Perfect." Autum murmurs. And then she is gone.

A piano plays in the background

Spike comes out of a mini-mart with a pack of smokes. He lights one and takes a drag before he crosses the street. He sees Autum walking across the street. He looks around him and crosses. She stops and leans against the building.

Autum's trying to get herself under control. The whole world is fucked and it's all she can do to not get lost along with it. But a few tears manage to fall through her tightly pressed eyelids. She walks fast, hugging her jacket to her. She turns a corner. Spike follows her around it. She grabs him by his jacket and pulls him into a niche in the wall. Tears are still running down her face but the anger is plain as day. He sees her tears and hesitates before wiping them away with his right thumb. He caresses her face slightly. She flinches back away from him. She turns and runs. He just stands there, watching her go.

Autum gets to her apartment and finds a small boy throwing himself into her arms the second the door is opened

Spike walks down the street looking pissed off.

Autum checks on the sleeping boy. She goes into the bathroom and stares at her face in the mirror.

Spike is still walking. He sees a bar and goes in.

Autum pulls a pair of scissors out of a drawer and cuts her hair. She breaks down crying.

Spike is sitting at the bar, handing some money over in exchange for a beer.

Autum leans so her head is under the bathtub's faucet. A bottle of hair dye rests on the rim next to her.

Spike tilts back the beer.

Inky black mixes with the water as it swirls into the drain.

Spike is walking.

Autum dries her new black hair.

Spike walks into the Hyperion and up to his room, number 213. Buffy's head pops out of her own doorway and watches him enter his room.

Autum stares at reflection. Her face is red and puffy and she starts to cry again.

Into the mirror and back out to Spike.

Spike glares at his lack of reflection. He picks up a candlestick and smashes the mirror with it.

A fist repeatedly beats the already shattered glass of the mirror. Autum's blood covers the jagged edges.

Spike is crying.

Autum's fist stops and she brings her hands to her face. Her cries are causing her body to shake. She falls to the floor in a heap. The blood from her hand smears across her face and the tears cause the blood to run down her arm. It collects into a pool on the white tiles. A small hand reaches for her and grabs her shoulder. The little boy is standing there, looking down at her. She pulls him to her and hugs him.

There's a knock on Spike's door and he gets up to go answer it.

Autum takes the boy's hand, smiles at him and they leave the bathroom. Blood stained mirror, ink stained tub, water stained towel and all.

Spike opens the door to Buffy who immediately kisses him.

Autum sits at a grand piano, playing. The music in the background has been her the whole time. The music is sad. It flows and brings up emotions that make a person just want to cry. A single silent tear runs down her face. This isn't just any song. This is her song. She's making it up as she goes along. It's a part of her, not something that can be duplicated or simulated. The tear becomes more and she stops playing. When she finally stops crying she goes over to the boy and picks him up and carries him to his room. She leaves, closing the door that reads "Sammy."

Zoom into the middle of the door then scan up and pan out. The new door reads "213." Just as its being shut the scene fades out.


End file.
